Dear Letena,
I am a 30-year-old man from Addis Ababa, and I am writing because I do not know where else to turn with my worries. For some time now, I have been struggling with a very personal concern.
My wife and I have been married for about three years. From the beginning, it has been an important part of our plan to build a family together. We have been trying to conceive month after month, but despite our hopes and prayers, nothing has happened. At first, I told myself it might just take time, but as the months turned into years, my concern has grown. The silence in our home feels heavier with each passing season. My wife has been patient, loving, and supportive, but I cannot escape the feeling that the problem might be me.
During the New Year holiday, when our family gathered, one of our relatives asked us about children. That moment weighed heavily on my wife, and soon after she decided to have her fertility checked. The results showed no major problems. She gently asked me to get tested as well, but out of fear I reacted badly. I told her I was fine and became defensive, as if her suggestion was an accusation. Since then, I have found myself searching online in my free time, trying to understand what could affect a man’s fertility. I have read that past smoking, heavy drinking, untreated infections, stress, and even long hours of heat exposure can all play a role. Some of these apply to me. I smoked in my early twenties, I worked in hot and exhausting environments when I lived in Dire Dawa, and stress has been a part of my life for years. The more I read, the more I wonder if my lifestyle and choices could be the reason for our struggles.
All of this has left me feeling torn between shame and responsibility. I do not want to admit to myself, or to my wife, that the problem could be mine. At the same time, I know that denying it only creates more distance between us. Whenever she brings up the subject, I see the hurt in her eyes when I shut down the conversation. I want to be the husband who supports her, not the man I have become. The truth is, I feel scared. I am scared to get checked, scared of being judged by my family, and scared of what the results might mean for our future together.
That is why I am reaching out to you. I hope your team can offer me some guidance, whether it is advice, information, or the first steps I should take to get tested. I would also like to know where I can go for counseling if my fears turn out to be true. Even sharing my story here brings me some comfort. I want to face this openly for my wife, for our future, and for myself. I just need some support to take the right steps.
Writer : Kidus Solomon
English
Amharic