Living Positively With HIV
It all started when I was in 5th grade. I got sick at school, and the principal called my mom, telling her I was experiencing severe abdominal pain. She rushed me to the hospital, and I was diagnosed with appendicitis. But that year, those few days in particular, changed everything for me.
That was when I learned something that made me feel inferior to other students, to my family members, and to people in general. My dad told me I was HIV positive. He even told my friends’ families, thinking they would show me a little more empathy or keep an eye on me when I played with their children. But instead, he shattered the privacy and innocence I had. At that age, no one really keeps secrets, especially not ones like that.
Even though deep down I know I am not the problem, it’s hard not to connect every experience of rejection to that one truth about me. Every time I was bullied at school, left out of events, or looked at differently, I couldn’t help but think it was because of that.
Now, I’m a second-year university student. Here, no one knows the virus that lives within me. To them, I’m just a girl from a well-off family who’s accomplished everything she set her mind to. I have friends, some really close ones, too, the kind I share nearly all my secrets with. But they still don’t know the biggest one.
Sometimes, I think about the guys who flirt with me, who ask me to sleep with them without knowing who I really am. And I wonder what I would’ve done if I hadn’t come this far in my healing journey.
Over the past few years, I challenged myself to grow beyond the darkness in my own mind. I started listening to motivational podcasts on YouTube, reading all kinds of books, and journaling to keep track of my growth and achievements. I began taking my medication consistently, something my mom used to remind me to do every day. Now, I don’t need her to check in. I eat well, sleep well, and I’m fully focused on becoming the best version of myself.
Still, I feel a deep sadness for my mom. I can’t imagine how much guilt she’s carried, thinking she’s the one who brought this into my life. And truthfully, I didn’t make it easy for her either, and that breaks my heart. Now, I’m trying to spend as much time with her as I can. I’m working on that.
So, when Hermon asked me to share my story and give some advice, here’s what I want you all to know:
You are not the problem. One day, you’ll see that clearly. And when that day comes, you’ll be proud of how far you’ve come.
Written by : – Hermon Israel, 4th Year Medical Student